I am in a very hopeless romantic type mood. Listening to mellow music. It is late at night. Just me. My friend sent me a link to view her wedding pictures online. I’ve been flipping through them and just sighing and wanting to cry because it was such a beautiful day. She looked absolutely gorgeous and so happy. I know my day will come, that happy day where I will marry the man I love.
I was feeling the pressure in a past relationship I was in, the pressure of getting married. That was the main focus, at least the goal of the relationship. I went along with it because it felt like the right thing to do, but my heart was telling me no. I knew it wasn’t right. It just didn’t feel right. I knew if I broke off the relationship so many people around me would be disappointed. He would be disappointed…but it came to the point where I wasn’t happy and I did not want to be in the relationship. It was…suffocating. So I broke it off. Caused a lot of pain, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I want to be with someone that I will have no regrets, no looking back and be incandescently happy.
I have not found that man, but I will trust God to show me who he is.
My sister and I have this ongoing joke, well fight, over Ewan McGregor, telling each other whose husband he is. It is very silly, but we have a lot of fun. I am pretty sure I will not be marrying Ewan McGregor though…well I can’t help but wish?