I think every girl goes through a point in their life where they think, “Wow, I’m going to be a mother some day.” (If this is what you want in life) And it either excites you or scares the hell out of you and for me, it does both. This evening I had kind of a crazy epiphany moment and also a real self-assuring moment. My friends were in town and they just a had a baby. I went to see them and the new family member. At one point the baby was handed over to me unexpectedly and I really surprised myself how I handled it. I was so calm and collected as I handled the baby. She got really upset, mainly because she was hungry, and the mother was unavailable at the moment. So I ended up shifting her around and was able to calm her down. It honestly felt like second nature and I felt really comfortable. Most of the time I hardly know what to do with a baby, I get really nervous around them. Anyways, I start walking around, and the house I was at has a huge bay window and when it’s dark outside you can see your reflection. I turn and see myself and I had to do a double take…I was like, that’s me, holding this beautiful baby and I look…grown up, womanly, capable. I looked really grown up…it kind of freaked me out. It was actually a really cool moment for me. Like I have this amazing capability to take care of and nurture a baby. It was also one of those moments where you realize, I’m not a kid anymore. I think I sometimes forget I’m 21 years old…I am definitely transitioning out of my ‘kid/teen’ phase and it really catches me off guard. Especially when I look in the mirror or see my reflection holding a baby…and I’m like, “I could be married right now and holding my kid…this is kind of weird, but really cool I’m now in this stage of my life.” Now, I’m not going to go out and get married and pregnant any time soon. I have no desire for that, but that image of me holding this newborn with ease and calmness made me really excited for my future. I just have terrible fears of being a mother and what woman doesn’t? It’s a huge responsibility. I also view it as a wonderful privilege and I guess I’m becoming more aware of that. Also who I am as a woman and knowing that I am adequate.
Just gotta find me a man first ;)
Seriously, no rush.