I found this in my drafts of posts and I feel like this is important to share and I don’t know why I didn’t post it. When 2012 was approaching, I felt like something was going to happen, that big changes were in store for me. It’s March, three months into 2012, and it has already happened. Today, I have been contemplating God’s faithfulness in my life and how truly blessed I am. I have amazing parents who have dedicated their lives to follow Jesus and I am blessed to have that example. I think what makes walking with the Lord worth it, is seeing the outcome of different seasons of your life. It doesn’t make sense at the time and then…there it is! That beautiful epiphany moment that puts all questions to rest. I know I have written about this before, but you don’t understand how important this is to me. To know that the certain times in my life are for a reason, they have a purpose. I don’t want to live this life aimlessly and in vain. What is the point? Someone asked me last night what makes me ‘tick’ as far as following Jesus with all my heart and I replied, by experience. They seemed to approve of that answer. But there’s no way else to explain it. When I’m down and God picks me back up, how am I supposed to justify that? There’s just a knowing in my heart and I can’t explain it. Except by experience and that’s all I have to give you. You can ask theological questions and ask me where I believe the Bible came from and I can muster up something logical, but really, just watch my life, because I am living for Him.
(written on December 22)
What am I hoping for next year? Do I have any New Years resolutions? This is a good time to reflect and also to think ahead.
They say that every year just gets better and better. I wasn’t too sure about this one (2011), I had it in my mind that this was the shittiest year of my existence. I was pretty dead set on marking this year as the worst ever. Every day I would count in my mind the good things that happened and would come up blank…I didn’t want to become bitter of certain events…but sometimes you have to question why me? Why is this happening? And it kind of shocks you, because you never thought something like that ever would…but it did. And so now what? Live with it the rest of your life? I didn’t see a way out, the events of 2011 would haunt me for the rest of my life.
By the grace of God, this year has turned around in a way that I never ever imagined. And I can say that this year has been pretty incredible. Hard as shit and I never want to go through it again, but damn, I am a better person because of it. Evolving. Establishing. Experiencing…that is what life is all about and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.
I am just overwhelmed, I mean astounded by everything God has done and is doing in my life. I cannot tell you what I am feeling right now. It literally feels like my heart is just going to overflow or burst open with so much emotion, gratitude, disbelief, relief…I don’t whether I want to laugh or cry. Or both…I don’t think anyone will ever understand. But I never ever want to forget 2011, the year that brought me to the lowest low and brought me back up to the highest high in 365 days and changed my life forever.