I am being stretched so much as an English major. And I can’t just wear the title proudly, I really have to work for it. I am going to wait for my epiphany moment when it all makes sense, but for right now I am still trying to deconstruct everything I have been taught on how to look at literature and just let myself be taught the ‘right way.’ I know I am naive in my thinking and sometimes this frustrates me, because I know at what place I want to be. I mean, eventually I want to be in place of the professor. I knew what I was getting myself into, but not entirely. In one of my classes, it is mainly an introduction to English studies. Every English major has to take this class, it’s seems almost like an initiation. And the course really stretches your way of thinking and whenever I do the homework for the class, I find myself extremely frustrated. And I begin to question, why am I doing this!? Is this what I want to dedicate my life to this!? Tonight I read back on her syllabus, just curious as to how she described the course and the goals. She put in there that we would be frustrated and out of our comfort zone and we would be stretched in a way of thinking that we were not used to. All these things, she told us, right up front. But in the end, she added, we will be young professionals able to critique and analyze literature. This gave me only an ounce of comfort, because I’m just three weeks into the course and I’m feeling the pressure and anxiety of the level of this class. On the flip side, I do love it. Mainly because, and I will contradict myself, it does stretch me. I went back to school so I could better myself, to gain the tools I need in order to fulfill what I want to do with my life. It’s an exciting journey and I know I will work hard and it will pay off.
I just need lots of grace.
Anyways, that’s what I’m feeling/thinking/going through right now. Always nice to just let these emotions out.
Hope everyone is enjoying their wednesday